Time well spent

Relax, or relaxation, has an inherent passivity to it. As in, it sounds like something that requires no effort, all one must do is allow the time and space and it will occur. A lack of relaxation, then is seemingly so sinful and almost self-indulgent, because the solution is so simple and easy. You’ve got to be really messed up if you can’t relax - how often do we say to ourselves, or each other - just relax! Take a deep breath!

For the first time, maybe ever, I made a connection that I will never forget. Relaxation is not passive. It is not effortless, easy or instinctive. It will not necessarily happen while we sleep - my point-less canine teeth are the ground-down evidence of this. To relax is an engaged, imaginative process that is deeply important, connective and soothing.

This morning I woke in a new bed, in a new place with a heart filled with gratitude, excitement and joy. I slept well. I was not relaxed. I had morning coffee on a rooftop of magnificent vistas, and watched the sunrise with a sense of awe and wonder, unrelaxed. Not anxious, just not relaxed. I didn’t know this of course; if you had asked me if I were, I would have lied to you. “Absolutely,” I would’ve murmured. My eyes had not yet opened to what I learned later this morning, just an hour ago.

After a valiant effort at some vacation-exercise with a resistance band, I found myself lying on the cool floor of my room, with no furniture in the way of stretching out. I could feel where my body made contact with the smooth stone, and where it didn’t. I took some deep breaths and noticed that on the exhale a few more spots connected with the cool. My shoulders, my ankles. All of a sudden I was aware of where the tension was and where it wasn’t in my body. Instead of rushing, pushing or competing with myself to improve upon it immediately - I just noticed. I didn’t judge it. I welcomed the information like I’d received a telegram from my body, “thank you” I said curiously as I opened the folded paper and read, “i need some time to relax” written in bold, courier font with a simple and poignant “.” [Stop]

“Oh, ok.” I folded the paper and with my eyes closed I took a deep breath. When I exhaled (it only worked on the exhale for me) I pictured lava flowing down the sides of a volcano. I mean, we are in Antigua, Guatemala so my imagination apparently has a decent sense of place. Bit by bit tension left my body and formed a puddle of cooling magma on the floor under me. My arms and neck took the longest, only responding to the visual on the exhale of loosening guitar strings as if to replace them - but eventually that worked nicely.

I began to notice that if I became distracted by a noise, I couldn’t make progress. Thoughts entered in and the relaxation paused. It wasn’t undone, but it couldn’t go further. It was quite literally required that I was attentive and active. It was anything but effortless, it was presence and consciousness and thoughtful.

What roused me from the peace and stillness, the joy of the discovery and relief in my body of the total relaxation - was my desire to put it down into words to share here with you. I hope it helps.

Greetings from Guatemala,

er